The January Toil- A reminder for my own mama heart

 January- the month that feels the grayest, the emptiest, and yet the one that causes me to toil away and plan ahead to try and fill the deep void in my heart. The void that says another year has passed and those little ones, whom I love with all my being, are one year closer to growing and going. My idle fingers find the keys on my computer, and I begin searching. I search for the next trip, the next adventure, the next void filler- one that will surpass our dreams and one that will hopefully achieve the impossible- the one that makes time stand still- if even for a moment. So, I fill my brain and eventually my calendar and then my heart full of expectations. I fill it with things of buying and things of doing to satisfy- and the striving fills the void for a moment. 

So how does one do it then? How does one actually live in the moment and not allow the tiny moments to pass us by while trying to fill the big moments? One of the bravest things a mother can do is face the truth of what God has called her to do and how He has called her to love- with hands and hearts wide open. Open to His plans- open to truth- open to trust- to trust Him- to trust His plan, His timing, and this process of living which He created. 

Everything in my being wants to find a way to do the impossible- a way to slow time down- a way to stop the growing and changing and leaving and breaking of the heart- but in doing so I rob myself of the greatest gift of all- which is simply being held by Him. He is the one holding all those changing and breaking and growing things together, and He is the one holding me together. His plans are good-both for me and for my children- and if I believe that then I also must believe that even though it feels as if moments are passing me by and slipping from my fingers- they are actually just being deposited into a greater work- and into a greater plan that will live forever in God's kingdom. 

So, by the grace of God- may I turn my January toiling into January trusting. By the grace of God- may I allow myself to enjoy the days- day by day- and may I place my great Hope in the story and plans He has for me. By the grace of God may I release the knuckle white grip on the lives of those whom I love and allow my hands to open to all He has in store for us.