The desire of an itch on our 7th year of marriage

Seven years

Seven years since we looked one another eye to eye and made a promise both to each other and to God, to love, to hold, to cherish each other for as long as we are breathing this side of heaven. Seven years since we danced to a song that I can't recall, cut into a cake to which I do not remember the taste, and seven years since we dashed to our getaway car under an canopy of twinkling lights.

Today marks seven years of marriage for Chris and me. Year seven- the "hardest" year- the year of the "itch"- the year that can " break you".  A lot has taken place in our short little seven years of togetherness. New jobs, new houses, surgeries, babies, more surgeries, mental health illness, physical illness, financial stressors, and a lot more during the in-betweens.

Today, as I reflect on our marriage, I do so while sitting in yet another doctor's office. I sit and think while I receive an infusion treatment to what feels to be a last effort to treat an ever encroaching fatigue and unwell-ness that has been plaguing my body and effecting our marriage and family for quite some time now. I watch the tiny drops fall from the bag into the IV line and I am hopeful. Hopeful that this will help- that I will feel energy and have a vigor within my body that has been missing for so long. I hope with great expectation that this will magically repair all the damaged parts of my body and that I will be restored once again to that young bride who desperately longs for her husband. I watch and hope that my mind will finally be in place of lasting peace- a peace that overcomes fears and silences the evil one's voice. I long for rest- the kind of rest that restores the soul and empowers one to fight the good fight. 


As the bag empties out and the sweet nurse unhooks me, she asks me how I feel. My response- "fine". I feel just fine- as fine as I did when I walked in- as fine as I will probably feel for the remainder of the day. Nothing dramatic, nothing much different- other than the slight uneasy stomach and lightheadedness- neither of which are new. I am reminded that this treatment takes time. That these infusions are to be repeated weekly for a while and that it takes time to feel differently. I respond with an "okay". And it really is okay. For what I am longing cannot be found in the bag of an IV. For what I am longing cannot be found in more money, romance, children who are more obedient, a cleaner house, a deeper sleep, or anything the world has to offer. For what I am longing is something that is created and given by the creator and the giver.

I return home to two precious youngsters who are so eager to see me as I walk in the door and are just as frustrated with me within the same moment for taking away the television remote. I return home to a husband who is diligently working for our family so that those "financial stressors" I mentioned will be a little less of a stressor. I return home to laundry, dishes, and needs that are relentless and have to be met all the while remembering in the back of my mind that this is year seven.

We will go about our day as normal. We will fall into bed just as exhausted as the day before and we will awaken in our new year of marriage. It will not be a dreaded year. While it may be our toughest year (time will tell) it will not be the year that breaks us. But will it be a year of itch? To that I say a resounding YES!

I am itching now- yearning now- craving now- but not for another- not for a new romance- not for something different- I am itching for an ever deepening longing for my Savior. I itch for a closeness to Jesus that is unfathomable. I crave a peace that is unmatched and a faith that is unwavering. My heart aches for the things unseen- for the hope of Christ that has yet to be revealed- for what my eyes cannot imagine and what my heart cannot understand.

The trials of this life may hang around or they may go. They will and have surely come- but my hope is in Jesus-for He is the giver and sustainer of life both here and forever.

So as the day winds down- I will itch- I will itch to crawl even deeper into the lap of my Lord and learn to trust Him more and I will fall asleep while holding the hand of the one whom my heart loves as best it can- and by the grace of God we will plow into year seven and hold fast to the promises of our God.

And to my honey- I love you. Happiest of anniversaries.