Even through the silence His goodness stands firm

My heart is steadfast, O God
I’ll sing praises up to Thee the among the nations
I’ll give thanks to Thee O Lord among the peoples
I’ll sing praises up to Thee in my soul

I am thankful these are not mere words from the mouth of a man, but they are written into the Psalms (108) so that I can stand firmly on truth and not a fleeting emotion. 

If you had seen or talked to me within the past two days, this would not have seemed true for me, but that is the thing about emotions, they change with the wind, they do not last, they do not reflect truth. 

As a baby is quickly approaching and on the way, actually the babe is delaying his entrance into this world, I feel the need to get something down in writing before his arrival. I am not sure why, and not sure why it is this word of truth I feel led to write about, but maybe it is because the Lord wants me to be reminded that I have no idea the outcome of this birth, but the outcome doesn't change truth. 

Oh how we have prayed. We have prayed for the conception of this child, we have prayed for his little body parts, his formation, his heart (literally and spiritually), his purpose, and most recently his birth. "Come on child" has been our prayer. Please Lord bring him on time, yesterday, in an hour, please just bring him out naturally and in your perfect timing. We have called for prayer back up from some of the strongest prayer warriors we know and the answer....silence...nothing. Why Lord? Why aren't you answering us? Why aren't you answering us the way we desire? Is your silence a "no"? Is it a just "not now?" 

A moment of honesty is that we were praying for the delivery of this baby on a specific date because the date had special meaning to us. I just knew God was going to grant us our wish, and then my grand plan was that I was going to write about how He is an intimate God who really hears us and knows our deepest and secret longings. And then that day came and went quietly...with no sound, no stirring of a baby, no sign of the day being any different than the day before. Why Lord? He gently reminded me that he doesn't need me to display His glory, He doesn't need my voice to reflect His intimacy, because He is steadfast. His character is steadfast, regardless of how my prayers are answered. So, with that I will sing praises to Him. He is intimate, He knows my needs, He hears my cries, and even when He is silent He is working, working out His purposes, His plan, and He is still writing our stories and our songs, each to our own. 

I don't know what the next few days hold for us. I don't know how or when this babe will join us, but I know that my heart is steadfast because He is steadfast, unwavering, unchanging in His goodness, and that He loves us so so very much. I am thankful for Jesus and that I can walk with and rest in a person, in my savior. 

He is intimate, He is personal, and He is so very good! 

Unwavering Pursuit

Chris and I just got back from the beach. How encouraging, restful, peaceful to me is the beach. There was lots going on this year. We spent a week with Chris' extended family, which to some may sound painful, but to us was glorious.
Among our large group we had three busy boys under the age of 5, and a sweet near newborn. Oh there were "the big waves" to play in, drip sand castles to be built, seashell graveyards in the sand, a pool in the backyard to provide the boys all the swimming they could handle, game nights, lots of Candy Land, movies (Wreck-it-Ralph!), meals, and most importantly, lots of laughter...we had lots of plans...busy and fun plans.

Our last morning, Chris and I decided to get up and watch the sunrise before we headed home. I think part of me just wanted to experience one last moment on this beach before Baby Cush (yes I am pregnant) is born...because I realized that this summer is the last one without real responsibility. As we sat down on the mostly deserted beach, watching the tide roll in (or out...I never can seem to figure out which direction it is moving :) and the sun come up, I was sort of in awe of the waves. I just watched
them fold in on the sand, over and over, they just kept coming, without end, without pause, just an endless journey without surrender.
I was reminded so gently, so perfectly, that this is how the Lord pursues me, how He pursues His beloved, His children, His greatest creation...us!
He comes after us, He brings our heart to repentance, He runs to us, He finds us, He loved and loves us, He rescued us, and He will continue to pursue us with an unending, forever, never stopping, never giving up, unwavering kind of love.

As we went about our week at the beach, playing, sleeping, laughing, enjoying our time, our Lord was still working for us, regardless of our awareness of that reality, He was allowing the sun to come up each morning, and He was holding each day in His hands. I am thankful that I serve the One who loved me before I loved Him. I am thankful for Jesus, and that He will pursue me until I am with Him in glory!
Here's to easy resting in Him and Him alone!

"We love because He first loved us." 

1 John 4:19

Kindness of the Utmost

"Be ye kind to one another..." 

Wouldn't most agree with this? Don't we teach our children this simple principle. We hear it in lots of different ways. One that sticks out in my mind and I have heard so many times:
"If you can't say something nice, don't...."

True kindness though, the kind that makes you stop and wonder, the kind you know deep down (and if you were being honest) you don't deserve, the kind that goes far beyond a nice action, the kind that alters your heart and soul, where does kindness like that come from?

I was introduced to the singer/song writer Andrew Ripp last year through our involvement with Young Life. God has definitely gifted him with a brilliant mind for not only writing beautiful words but with an untouchable ability to put those words into music....a music that has the ability to cause me to stop and worship.

As I was listening to one of his songs this morning I was so gently reminded of God's kindness towards me. There is a verse in one of his songs that says:
"You carried all my shame when you called my name. I'm gonna be there near or far, I'm gonna meet you where you are. I am not the same."

Upon hearing this I simply cannot keep from singing, praising, thanking, worshiping.

I'm not sure how Mr. Ripp meant it, but when I hear it I replace some of the lines so it reads like this:
"Jesus carried all my shame when He called my name. He's gonna be there near or far, Jesus will meet me where I am, I am not the same."

I am so humbled by this truth. Jesus seeks after me, Jesus runs after me, Jesus comes near to me, Jesus meets me where I am and Jesus changes me. It is not the other way around.
I am so thankful that I serve a loving God who loved me before I sought Him, He loved me before I chose Him, He loved me enough to take my sin from me and bear it for me. He loved me because He loved me and I am His beloved.

The kindness of the Utmost is all around me. I see it in the colors of the sunrise, I hear it in the giggles of little children, I feel it in the sweet peace of a deep sleep, it resonates in the change of a new heart.

*It is His kindness that leads me to repentance. 

"Be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." 

Ephesians 4:32 

It is not in my nature to be kind, it is only Jesus in me that allows for kindness and Jesus in me that provides forgiveness when I fail at loving others (often).  But...I can rest easy knowing that because of Jesus, and only because of Jesus, is there hope for repentance, kindness, joy, peace....life. 

Andrew Ripp

"You Will Find Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqJ_s8iphQ0

*Romans 2:4